Still with the man of my dreams.. only barely tho..updat

Thanks to all of you that read and check for my updates. I know its been a long time. Sorry all. It was a crazy and at times strange year so far.

So to pick up where I left off. The summer holiday  last year. that was awesome in so many ways. So many fun times and great photos to keep for a lifetime. ♥

After the trip it was time for school again. Met two great friends that I will never be out of touch with. One guy, Adam, who is from Virginia just about 2 hours north of my home in the US and a great lady, Ca, whom is from Italy.  We are a strange bunch but it works just because of that.   These two saw me for the first few weeks of school and noticed that all I did was go to school and home. So they invited me out to Taksim. First thought was the man. What will he say? Will he be angry?  I had to take the chance. I was so sad and lonely at home. So I went. That has now turned into our weekly  Wednesday night Chinese food, Saturday night quiz night and then foolishness in Taksim until who knows when. Dancing, drinking, screaming in the streets. I feel alive again.

So in October he came home for the holiday, Kurban Bayram. It was a short holiday but it was so nice. He took me on a day trip to the Kurdish side of the city and we had some freaking awesome food at a little place that he knows. Hot as hell but so yummy! Then back to Gaziantep and back to school. No fighting and no sadness.

Christmas came around and it was not as bad as it usually is  because I had my two new best friends. We went to school for a half day and then to Cat's house for our Christmas dinner. Her roommates were there and we had so much fun.  During our record long game of Uno, someone said something about Santa coming. At that time, the phone rings.  It was Santa.  My Kurdish Santa. I was so happy.  I took the call and told him where I was at and he told me that he was sorry that he could not be there for the holiday because he knows that it is important to me. He also told me that he had wanted to be here for the jan. 1 holiday but that he did not think it was possible.  It seems that they were a little behind in one of the projects.  He knew that I was upset but at the same time, he knew that I understood.  At least he called.  It ment so much to me that he thought of me on a special day like  this.  The rest of the day was wonderful and according to my friends, I was glowing like a star.

The next time I would see him would be in March. He  called to ask me what I was doing. I was sleeping on the sofa. I ask him what he is doing.. he says sitting at the airport.  I was like WHAT!!???
He said that he woke up and decided to come home. SURPRISE!!!!!
I was freaking out.  Ok, listen, I am not the best housekeeper by far.  And he says that he will be here at like 10:30. It's flipping 11:00am. 12.5 hours to clean the entire house, wash the mounds of clothes, go get some foods for him to eat, and to "make myself pretty".  hahahh.  Mission accomplished!!  When faced with seeing the love of your life after 5 and a half months...no mountain is too hard to move. haha

But ahhh. disaster strikes.. yeah.. ladies.. that woman "aunt flow" decided that she needed to stop by. Thanks to  the internet, I had been reading some articles as of late on how to stop her or make her shorten.I caught her on the first tingle.  Gotta know your body. :)   *Note::: eat a large lemon and take a hot glass of water. it worked but still I went to the eczane and got a pill called Primolut. They are sold here otc. YEAH!!! But please take caution to talk to your doctor and not follow my advice.  I never want to cause anyone any harm.♥

He comes home.  What a great time we had. So much love and so much laughing.No problems.  Well accept for the same ole : "babe, are we ever have a 3some?"
Usual answer.. "you find her and we will but there are like 1 zillion rules"...in other words.. NO! But you gotta say what they wanna hear. :)  But  we had a good days..we went to taksim in the rain to look for some Turkish delights for him to take back to his friends.  There are these ones called Hagi Beker and they are like the most delicious and famous ones.  We finally find the store.  He knows that I love them too...he gets me a box of the rose flavored ones. He knows me so well.

It was a great few days. I really was more happy than most times before. He was so kind and so loving. He really gave it his all and made sure to treat me with the most respect and love that he had done so with in a long time.  Everything about him was so tender and filled with care. Not that he is not always like that, this time was just a little different. I dont know why or what was going on, and I did not care. I just never wanted it to end. But I knew that it had to.
Monday came and he had to go.  I cried a little but I was okay. This was one minute closer to when he would return.

Return??? WOW!! He called me exactly 17 days later to tell me that he was thinking to come home that weekend. I was like WHAT?  Then I thought about the date.. It was April 1. April Fools Day. He was trying to make me laugh by looking up some holidays that I am used to having and he was playing a joke.  I was like ok.  I did not give on that I thought he was kidding.  Fun phone call. ♥

Holy COW!!! Friday evening comes.. he calls at like 11pm and asks if I need anything for the home. I was like what?? where are you? he says at the airport.  I almost fell out. hahhah. he was serious!! He was here ...again! House clean! Yes!! had friends over just hours before he called. Score!!! haha.
he comes home and tells me that he had a crash and needed to take a new car back to Gaziantep and they are cheaper here. He will buy his uncles car. Good deal. But he stops fast.. says he needs to go to bathroom.. I hear him.. hahha. GAS!! I ask him if he is ok.  He says that he drank a liter of milk before he came on the plane.  Uhh,, not a good idea.  he could have killed the other passengers on the plane.  But hey,,, I dont care.. He is here.  Great night♥♥wink wink♥♥
The next morning I tell him that I have already talked with several of my friends and they are all dying to meet him.. I tell him that we all want him to come out to Taksim with us. I knew I was treading on thin ice.  He does not dink or smoke or dance.  He doesn't like crowds. But he agreed to go. Yippie!!!

So Saturday comes. I have two lessons and he goes out to take the car.  We agree to meet at the mall at 8pm. My friend Adam will meet me and we will wait for the man.  I get to the mall and at 745pm we get a call. He is in Esenyurt.  Where?? Far away.  He says that he will be there about an hour later.  ok. me and Adam will sit and cut up and talk shit to everyone and about everyone.  :)  We agree to meet downstairs when its time.

He calls to say that he is there. Adam sees him first.  I say how the hell.  Adam tells me that he has seen enough photos to know who he is looking for.  haha.  Immediately they hit it off. Its like big bro and lil bro.  Love it.  Two of the most important guys to me are getting along. 

We take a little trip to the local and nearby tea cafe.  The two of the engage in a game of Tabla.  The man lets Adam win a game and Adam is all about himself then...so the battle is on.  The man laughs and then gets serious and beats Adam 3 times in a row and lets him win the last of the 5 game series.  Good guy.♥

Time to go. Party!!! To find the car.  haha.  He has parked in the garage. The doors in the mall to the garage are closed. So we have to walk all the way around. Its like 3 km...I am a short legged, slightly overweight, a little older gal.. I am NOT happy but we laugh and cut up all the way.  He says the car is on the level of 3 D.  Great.. We are on level 4 at the M.  Ok down the stairs.  No problem. We go to the stairs. Adam is in the stair well, the man is shortly behind him and I am in the rear.  I am in the stairwell and the door is about to close.. I hear.... DONT LET THE DOOR CLOSE>>>> click!! it' closed...... what happened???

I go down a level to them.. the door there has no way to open it from the stairwell.  Why not?? hahha.  So Adam and the man take off up the stairs to find a way out.  I hear them talking and Adam running ahead to higher levels.  I hear them picking up call phones.  None of the call phones work.  They are coming back laughing.  We are stuck until someone comes in the door.  Ok. Laughter ensues. Madd ness ensues.  Then the man decides after 10 minutes stuck in this stairwell to check the call phone that is right there beside us... guess what... it works.. more hysteria..

The guard comes and lets us out.  We are laughing and stating that the night is going to be a strange one.. oh how right we were..!

We find the car. The man, who is a good driver, but accostomed to a stick shift, now has an automatic. He is a little hard on this little car. The hills around the Taksim area can be hell as is the traffic.  We laugh and try to give him some advices on an automatic.  He thanks us and we find a parking space.  4 km from Taksim  but it is all good. We walk and laugh.  Finally we get to the square.  We meet up with another friend of mine, Ezzie. Adam and Ezzie need to hit the atm and the man and I walk and find some food.  We have a short chat.. I tell him... I know that you like to make jokes and look at other women.  Its ok.  But tonight you will meet 2 more of my friends.  They are more than friends.  They are like sisters to me.  They are off LIMITS. He says ok.

SO off we go.  Tec Tec Chi.  yeahhh.... He meets Cat and Lissa. Other friends also. He is a little taken by the crowd and the music level but a little more taken that we walked right in and others are waiting outside.  Yeah we are regulars and they knew we were coming. Haha. Free first shots once inside.  Thank you.. Then we all start to dance.  He is a wall flower.  But starts to get into it after a while.  He buys me  a few shots and drinks.  He has water.  ok.. I go out several times to smoke.  I leave him inside with Cat who also does not smoke.  She dances with him.. as well as everyone else.  No harm.  I come back and Rhianna comes on ... Only Girl In The WOrld... he is shocked to see me dance like that. hahha. I hear Cat, Ezzie, Lissa, and Adam yelling... get a room.. hahha.. love them. But yeah.. lets go home and get a room.. wink wink..

He says to stay and have fun with my friends.  Ok!  They play JUMP JUMP and our usual circle connects and we all wrap arms and start to jump.  He joins in and starts to have fun.. ♥♥  I cant go alll the way thru the song.  I have to go to the bathroom.. long ass line....... I come back and he has a beer.
WHAT!!!????!!!! yeah.... dancing and singing and having fun.  He is having fun finally. lots of fun.

Closing time.. we all go outside.  I start to walk and call him to lets go.  He asks if we will take my friends home.. I ask and they all say yes please.  Here comes Adam and Cat................and Jessie...........holding onto Cat... it is very apparent what is happening.  Go Cat!!!!   But .... the man gets a little look on his face.   I walk on.. Not sure what is happening..

We walk and he sends Adam to get the car.  Then he turns to me and is very mad. I mean very mad.  He yells at me that "she is ready. but you act like my wife and now she will go with him.  I can fuck her."    I felt sick as hell.  I thought I will throw up. Die.  Holding back the tears.  What the hell???

We take them home and then we start to argue.  Again he says the same thing.  He tells me that he dont want this kind of relationship.  He dont want to change his life like this.  that I want to change his life.  I want to be his wife. I want to control him...

Confusion sets in. fear sets in. I start to cry.  He is driving so fast. So erratic. I am so scared.

He looks at me and says that he will change his life and that I will see.  I say no i will not see.  I mean to say to him.. leave and dont come back.  I dont want to be with someone who does not respect me enough to not say things like this to me and more so about my friends. I am crushed.  Please May 18, 2012 come back.  I will not get on the flight.  We get to our home.. he tells me to take something and I am mad and tell him to take it himself.  I slam the door and he drives away.  I stand alone, crying in the street for 15 minutes.  I am lost. Alone. I want to die.  I just watched the man I love more than I have ever loved anyone drive away.  What am I going to do with out him? I am 10000 miles from home.

He comes back but he is pissed.  We go in the house.  No words are spoken. He lays on sofa.  Crushed again.  I go to him and say.. I will not go to bed angry with you in case I never get to say this ... I love you but I am mad. Please come to bed.  He does. We sleep but on opposite sides. Not touching. It hurts so much.

We wake up and he gets dressed.  I get dressed. He is charging his phone. I tell him that I have a private lesson and that I will go .   He tells me to wait and he will drop me off.  I agree to wait.  He also asks me if I still want a new phone.  Yes.  He says after my lesson to come to the Darty and we will look for one.  I say ok.  

He takes me to the lesson and goes.  I go to the lesson and then call to say that I am on the way to the Darty.  He is in there looking at the washer/dryer combos and the refrigerators. I ask him why and he says that when I move to a new house that he will have to buy these things for me since our home is pre-furnished.    Ok.  We find the phone and he says lets go to the Migros.  We shop but I say to him as we enter that I will go to eat somewhere.  He says where and I say probably in Taksim or Osmanbay.  He says lets shop light and we will go to the Kurdish side to eat.  Ok. Now its a little bit lighter between us.  He tries to make me take the Ben & Jerrys's Chunky Monkey ice cream that he knows i love.  I refuse.  Its really expensive.  He says he dont care. I take it. We pay and go out to the car.  We start the journey to the Kurdish side. Yeah.  We eat and talk and have fun.  After we eat, we walk and talk and have fun. Still the whole time there is a stress in between us.  SO thick and so hurtful.  I think its just me. I have to wonder if he feels bad for the whole event.  Does he regret the comment about my friend or the comments he made to me about trying to change his life.  What is it??

Home is kinda strange.  He watches tv and I try to figure the new phone out.  I go to bed at maybe 11 as I have to go to school the next morning.  He says goodnight and kisses me goodnight.  I go alone.  I wake up at like 1 and he is asleep on the sofa.  I say to him to come to bed.  He gets right up and goes.  He snuggles up to me as usual like nothing has happened. I give a little smile and I hear him mumble something.  I ask again because I know he is asleep and he will say it and not think about it.. he says it in Turkish... it translates basically into : I was drunk.   Ok but still that is no excuse. 1 beer???

I wake up and assume he will leave today while I am at school.  He says that he needs to do some paperwork on the car and that he will see me before he leaves.  Good. We have some "time" but it was strange.  I go get dressed and before I go, I kiss him and then jump on him and hold his head down.. I say,.,,,,,,, the next time you want to fuck someone... try your girlfriend first!   I kiss him and leave.   I got the final word!!!!!!!!!   :)  off to school and the strange conversation I had to have to see if any of them noticed the whole thing.  None of them noticed it.  Cat was completely shocked and hurt.  She thought I was angry with her.. OMG.. I love her to death.. She is so sweet but so naive. ♥





** I will post the rest of this in a  day or so.  The ending to this visit is not what you are expecting**