Saturday, May 26, 2012

first week with the Kurdish man

What can I say about the love of a Kurdish man?  he may not "love" me but he likes me. I am not sure if it is because we are "friends" or because he knows that he has found a good person that is willing to do something out of the ordinary for him.  Or is it because he wants to feel more? Can he?

The day of my arrival, we drove to the apartment.  It seemed to take forever. Likely because I was so tired. But once at the location of the apartment, I was in shock.  The neighborhood is not that great.  The building is old and the area around is less than desirable. What will I find inside??

I knew that many of the buildings here had stores on the lower floor with apartments on the upper floors but this could not have been more of a chance... there is a pet store right in the building with the apartment. How great this is for Whiskers.  Got her some things.. food, litter, pan.  She will be a happy girl.  He paid. Did he feel like he had to?  She is mine, I should have and I tried but he would not hear of it. :)

Into the building.  Well at least there is a security door that you need a key to get into it with.  This is good. A few steps to go up and an elevator as  he tells me that its on the 4th floor.  The elevator is small but big enough for me, him, and the cat carrier.  Up we went.

Landing on 4th floor showed me two apartments. He unlocked the door and in we went.  It was not bad at all. Actually it was nice. Very clean and the furniture was nice.  The first thing I had to see was the bathroom.  It was normal American.  lol

We settled in and we talked a bit. The convo was half hearted as we both were thinking things and emotions were running high.  And then the first kiss happened.

Sweet iced tea.. it was magical.  More than I had expected.  The passion he kissed with.  The want in his touch.  And good Lord after long months of nothing and then this magnificent creature coming at me.. I must have died and gone to heaven.  Sweet marmalade he takes my breath away.  He takes his time to kiss and they are the kisses that make a woman melt like butter in a mans hands.  He knows what he is doing and he knows what he wants.

May 20, My birthday. He went out to get me a ladybug cake.  So sweet of him.  he took me to get new clothes as he said that my clothes were not acceptable and that he did not want men looking at me.  Is this a sign of him caring about me>?  He does not want other men to see me?? Is he trying to hide my fat from the world or is he trying to hide what is his from the world?  Is he trying to protect his belongings?  maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Monday, 21, He went to work.  I am here alone. The elec went out.  I went to turn it on and got locked out. I freaked out but the old lady next door helped me to unlock the door.  She was super sweet.
He must have called me 5 times in the day, seems so worried about me.  I do love this man.  But I cant tell him.  What will he say?  How will he react?

Thursday, 24, He is at work.  I am alone.  The weather is hot.  It makes one want the comfort of the man she loves. I cant wait til that creature comes home. Sadly, I don't feel like he is thinking the same.  He seems to come later and later each day.  Is he telling me something? Is he avoiding me?  I think we all know the answer there.

Saturday, 26, He is at work again.  I need this time to reflect on what it is that I want.  What it is that I will do here.  I want to do this course, but really the money issue.  I could ask him for it (as I am sure that he would give it to me) but I cant do it. I can't ask him for anything.  I have to remember that I am here for him to do a "job" and to then get on with my life.  I can't borrow anything from him as I don't want to have to repay him.  It's not his responsibility to take care of me. He will be home soon.  Only a half day at work.  What is going to be tonight?  The same? Sitting here being hidden away from the world?  Being looked at with shame and disparaging thoughts? Really I should be looking for a ticket home. I dont think he would care. I have a feeling that this is going to go bad and soon.  Sometimes you can look at a person and know what he/she is thinking. And looking at him, it is not good. Not good at all.

1 comment:

  1. be careful I know from experience now and forever he will believe you belong to him and you may not date or see other men but he can do whatever he wants even if it means getting married behind your back while living together ... good luck

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